Our “On the Spectrum” President

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2016 by jcwill5

ObamaSomething has concerned me about President Obama for a long time.

His rhetoric, his ability to use words, is superlative.

He is also clearly intelligent, even brilliant.

Odd Disconnections

Barack Obama seems strangely lacking in the emotional connectivity and empathy department.

Even when he uses the right words, there’s an odd emotional disconnection and aloofness that comes out.

Few if any close, working relationships with senators, congressmen, and fellow leaders have been established.

He’s not one to reach out by phone or socialize with allies, let alone enemies.

His policies done in the name of compassion are set forth in coldly factual ways.

His favorite solution is to lecture, to educate through speeches and policy declarations, and then to dismiss and discount those he feels like “don’t get it”.

Statements like, “we’re all more united than not” in the aftermath of the recent shootings strike me as downright strange and out-of-touch.

Emotional Disconnection at Home and Abroad

Early in his presidency when he enjoyed huge majorities in Congress, he shifted focus onto health care reform rather than remaining focused on addressing the economy.

And the backlash absolutely caught him off guard as if he thought, “no reasonable person could possibly object to this!”

When pursuing environmental policies that destroy even more manufacturing jobs, a similar surprise at the vehement opposition of those most affected is evident.

On the world stage, he has leveraged a great deal of US prestige on promoting homosexual rights on a global scale, yet fails to emotionally understand how such a stance is seen in the Arab and Slavic worlds: effeminate weakness.

He judges the Republicans for nominating Donald Trump, yet fails to see how his own repeated lack of evident empathy opened the door to him in traditional, blue-collar, Democratic areas.

He judges the aggressiveness and disregard of the US among powers like Russia, Saudi Arabia, yet fails to emotionally understand why his sexual liberationist policies invited it.

Empathy for the Man

But my purpose in writing this is not to judge the man.

Rather, I want to propose a thesis.

My thesis is Barack Obama is on the spectrum.

I think he is a highly functioning Asperger’s individual.

I don’t think he is purposely trying to antagonize, patronize, or demonize those who disagree with him.

I do think he has some deep deficits that make it difficult for him to anticipate emotional reactions, and respond to them after they arise.

And I think it’s easy to misread him in return and therefore take personally what he does or doesn’t do.

If my thesis is correct, this pattern will continue until he leaves office.

If my thesis is correct, raging against him will not help and will only damage those people and groups he keeps offending and hurting with cold, surgical precision.

If my thesis is correct, we can only adjust our expectations.

Those in opposition to his polices, like myself, can save our breath and not expect him to hear our concerns, understand our fears, and make compromises to mitigate the worst excesses of his “theoretically perfect” positions.

Making Up for the Deficit

To those who agree with the President ideologically, realize that people on the other side feel repeatedly beaten up, aggressively attacked by, and unyieldingly punished by this president.

Part of the reason there is such anger is, instead of empathy, there is this cold, condescending, compassionless lecturing that has hugely and permanently alienated wide swaths of the electorate.

Unlike FDR or JFK or Bill Clinton, Barack Obama has shown no empathy towards those his policies have economically, morally, and socially harmed.

Bridges have been burned that, if the Democratic party has any future, will need to be rebuilt.

And the same goes for the Republicans.

Instead of keeping up the pressure and rolling out policy after policy that offends and hurts the same group, how about a season of peace and rest?

How about reaching out to religious conservatives and saying, “Let’s find a wise, both-and solution to areas where our current social activism policies now require you to violate your conscience”?

How about reaching out to blue-collar, white, de-industrialized males and saying, “Let’s find a wise, both-and solution which compensates you for the free-trade, pro-environment policies that have destroyed your industries, and get you back into the better paying workforce”?

The trouble is neither Hilary Clinton nor Donald Trump is strong in empathy.

I therefore predict that, sooner or later, our current social divisions will continue to be further inflamed by an unconsciously uncaring chief executive.

Horror in Nice

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2016 by jcwill5

epuise-1-480x279So soon after St. Paul and Baton Rouge and Dallas, here we are again.

And, like the caption in French says after listing all the recent solidarity slogans, “I am tired”.

And all of us are, aren’t we?

Yet Another Horror

By now, most if not all readers, will have heard about the lorry that ran over as many people as possible on a two kilometer section of the promenade in Nice, France.

In a worldwide time of horror after horror, these kinds of fresh, ever more twisted horrors have left us numb from shock.

84 people confirmed dead, 24 on life support in hospitals, dozens more with grave injuries but expected to recover.

This description sounds so clinical, so coldly matter-of-fact to a world full of media onlookers who are far removed yet virtually engaged.

Yet to those who are actually living there on this day after, their pain is far, far beyond our comprehension.

The attended the Bastille Day celebrations in a holiday hotspot, and now are making funeral arrangements and having to identify grotesquely maimed bodies to confirm their ID.

The Same Questions and Answers

We face the usual questions:

Who was the attacker?

Why did they do this?

What was known about them ahead of time?

Could this attack have been prevented?

And, once again, we face the usual answers:

The perpetrator was not on any terrorism watch lists.

He, like many recent attackers, was a muslim young man in his early 30’s from North Africa who now lived in Europe with few social ties.

The method of attack, a lorry driven into a crowd, was not the kind of attack expected (suicide bombers, automatic weapons gunmen, etc.)

The target of the attack, like so many others, was a “soft target” where many people gathered in times of enjoyment, holiday, or special event.

Sadly Gained Wisdom

Interestingly, however, authorities in the US, UK, and Israel have begun hardening these sites and issuing guidelines to event promoters about preventing lorry attacks.

Here is the link:

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-36806691

Using the current terrorist mayhem in Iraq as a picture for what might come to our shores, they are erecting unobtrusive hard barriers and changing street traffic flows to stop lorries from reaching their targets or making them far less effective.

The truth remains, however, that we can make targets less attractive, make methods less lethal and/or slow them down, and make response times faster.

But we cannot absolutely prevent all attacks at all times by all potential terrorists.

Horror Fatigue

The horror is this:  if someone is determined to sacrifice their life in order to commit acts of terror, they are difficult to stop and almost certain of inflicting casualties.

Therefore, these attacks are going to keep happening again and again and again.

Therefore, we will become more and more numbed to them, feel them less and less acutely, and find ourselves less and less able to remain engaged.

We’ve all heard the phrase “compassion fatigue” where, upon repeated bombardment of images of starving children in Africa, people are no longer moved by these images to give towards famine relief.

I believe the same thing is happening now with terrorist attacks at an social media accelerated pace.

It’s called horror fatigue.

At least, that’s what I’m sensing in my own spirit–less shock, less kick to the gut, more of a shrug.

Not Going There

And, for me at least, this is by far the worst global impact of terrorism.

Terrorism has now become a routine part of life.

Body counts are becoming old news, everyday events, and normal living.

And I cringe that it would have such an impact on my heart.

I am chagrined that, even if these kinds of terrorist attacks cease, my heart will be left permanently less compassionate, less tender, less engaged, etc.

I’m guessing I’m not the only one who recoils from such an outcome.

The question remains:   how will I escape the spiritual-emotional trap of horror fatigue?

And how do we recover from it if we are already numb?

Fearful Mercy

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture on July 12, 2016 by jcwill5

I have a story to tell about my sin and God’s love.

jesus-mercy-compassionThe Ancient Wound

My latest chapter begins with a flashback to a terrible day forty years ago, in late July, 1976.

I was twelve years old, and riding home from the library on a clunky old 3-speed bicycle I borrowed from my dad.

I ran into a person who is classified as a “predatory pedophile” who first threatened me with death and then kidnapped and raped me.

But my point is not to rehearse these terrible events, but to pick out something in its immediate aftermath.

My parents arrived home from their jobs and, after I returned from taking the police officer on a tour of the crime scene, they said, “Let’s go out for dinner!”

It was one of those classic, dysfunctional family responses that’s the stuff of legend.

Invitation to Rage

Worse still, as we left the driveway my liberal-minded mom said, “You have to understand, son, that these people can’t help themselves and are born that way.”

To my twelve year-old mind, it was as if she said, “What just happened to you was OK.  That person shouldn’t be punished.”

So a switch clicked from “on” to “off” towards my mom and her judgment and her values and her philosophy.

I realized that I could never trust her again to really protect me from evil.

Her values had no real answer for real evil.

Sadly, our liberal justice system agreed and, for raping a number of boys, my perp got, drum roll please, “twelve months”.

Would it surprise you to learn that, ever since, I have borne little love for liberalism and all its works?

And, psychologically, this nonsense, whitewash response of my mother evoked a root of rage.

Back to the Future

Fast forward to forty years later.

Interestingly, suffering at the hands of a vicious coterie of legalistic, punishing people at a toxic church seemed unrelated to my above story.

No dots seemed to connect between the abandoning, evil-excusing, soft-on-crime liberalism of my mother, and the punitive, evil-inflicting, no mercy response of my church opponents.

All that changed when lung virus produced a week’s worth of night-time coughing attacks and insomnia and, interestingly, eruptions of fury coming from deep within.

As a fairly calm and mild person, I found myself becoming off-the-charts furious at liberal Supreme Court decisions, liberal California legislators attempts to suppress religious liberty, etc.

“OK, God.  What’s going on?  I’m becoming that kind of angry, punitive religious person I don’t want to be, just like those folks at our previous church!  I’m in trouble. Help me!”

Then God connected the dots.

The Terrible Soul Surgery

I first realized, again, that I’m not one bit better than those church bullies.

The same rage against liberalism that was in them was also inside me in a disguised form.

Using their over-the-top vindictiveness as a tool, He then took my mind back to my mother’s horrendous words on that car ride out to dinner.

He then brought to mind a quote from a book on pastoring where the author mentioned the lie his own mother told him when his dad abandoned the family, and the resulting rage in his soul.

“That’s my problem–rage.  Rage from those excusing, enabling, whitewashing words.”

Now I had a name for my problem, and now I could consciously take it to the Lord, own it before the Lord, and ask for healing from the Lord.

Oddly enough, that’s exactly what He did.

The Holy Aftermath

I have a serenity now that wasn’t there before.

It’s weird–like when you take off a heavy backpack after a long hike and run around camp feeling light.

My soul has been drained of ancient, unresolved rage.

My ancient, bitter quarrel and my long-standing fury against liberalism and all its works is over.

I’ll never agree with that philosophy.

But the edge is gone and spacious freedom of soul has been received.

I’m asking the Lord to fill the space vacated by rage with His mercy instead.

A Glimpse of Glory

There’s now a growing sense of awe, of how God used one group’s more recent abuse to heal the long-buried root from another person’s abuse.

He used toxic conservatism to expose, worsen, and finally cleanse the horrific damage of liberalism.

Like the curtain has been pulled back, and I caught a glimpse of God’s sovereignty and mysterious work to “sum up all things in Christ” and to “cause all things to work together for good to those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28)

That’s pretty amazing.

To take all those years, and to use even the worst events, to bring about such good in the end.

I honestly feel like a new era of service has opened up, and that I’m finally ready for new adventures again.

It’s nothing more, and nothing less, than a work of fearful mercy.

Cycles of Violence

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2016 by jcwill5

End-The-Cycle-of-ViolenceI am broken-hearted over our nation this morning.

More than words can ever say.

First a Black Moment

Yesterday began with an African-American man, Philando Castile, being pulled over in St. Paul, MN for a broken tail light.

After carefully telling the officer he had a concealed gun permit but going to comply with the officer’s request to get his ID out of his back wallet, he was shot four times by that same officer.

Thanks to a video-taping girlfriend and Facebook, this exchange went viral and helped ignite a nationwide series of protests against officer killings.

The kind of boiling frustration, “even if you do everything right, you’re still shot if you’re black!”, cannot be denied.

All day long there was a series of posts expressing outrage and decrying police violence against people of color.

It was a Black Lives Matter moment.

Then a Blue Moment

Then, yesterday evening, one or several individuals decided to shoot police officers guarding a peaceful protest march in Dallas, TX–killing five of them.

This morning, a new series of posts honoring the police and decrying killing of outstanding officers just doing their duty.

The frustrated cry, “Even if you’re guarding their protest, they still shoot you if you’re a police officer!”, is also understandable.

It was now a Blue Lives Matter moment.

But how could either of these terrible things happen?

How has it come to this?

Terrible Cycles

Part of the answer is this:  there is nothing more difficult to break than an entrenched, self-reinforcing, destructive cycle.

We all have these cycles in our souls, in our relationships, in our marriages and families, in our groups, and, yes, even in our societies and nations.

There is an undeniable, centuries-old cycle of white violence and black enslavement, then black liberation and white resistance, that has morphed into different forms and expressions.

And we all have people in our own camp and on “our side” who should never have positions of authority, whose mouths speak a torrent of evil, who are obsessed with control and/or consumed with insecurity, and who take it out on “the other side”.

They trigger the same kind of thing on the opposite side, sending unstable, vicious, self-appointed avengers over the edge.

Lawlessness leads to lawlessness, outrage leads to retaliation, violence to counter-violence, abuse to reciprocating abuse, etc.

Neither Passive Despair Nor Self-Righteousness

Most of us watching from the sidelines are tempted to throw up our hands and say, “Nothing works.  Nothing changes.  Nothing stops it.”

But that’s not entirely true because no side is totally innocent.

No side has all the righteousness on its side, and all the evil on the other side.

We are all victims of evils, and we are all perpetrators of evils.

Our group is not to blame for everything, but some in our group are certainly to blame for some wrongs.

Therefore, humbling ourselves, examining our hearts, showing proper sorrow and appropriate remorse, and inviting God to deal with our own sins and our own group’s evils is always the starting point.

Steps Towards Healing the Cycle

Healing begins when, very gently and kindly, we reach out to someone from the other world and ask, “Tell me your story of injustice–I need to hear it and I honestly want to hear it.”

We shut up, put aside all defensive words, stop trying to tell other people how to respond or what to feel, and let them pour out their accumulated anger and sadness.

We respond, “Let me see if I’ve heard you.  Here’s what you I’ve heard you say…”

They’ll let us know if we’ve got it right.

True, humble listening is the first gift.

Then, once we have truly heard the “other side”, we say, “My group has hurt you.  It was wrong and should never have happened.  You have every right to feel angry.”

True, defenseless confession of sin is the second gift.

Then, if a tenderness and softening begins to happen, we say something like, “On behalf of my group, I’d like to ask you something risky.  I’m not in a position to make any demands, and you don’t have to do it.  But, if it’s possible, would you forgive us for our many wrongs?”

True, tender-hearted asking for forgiveness is the third gift we can give our other-side friend.

Not as a cop out, but as an invitation for them to no longer be bound and consumed with bottled anger.

Both parties deeply need their agonizing gift of forgiveness.

Finally, and if the miracle of forgiveness begins to happen, we can make an even bolder request, “Is there anything I could personally do for you to help repair the damage our wrongs have caused?  How can I help?”

Our final gift is to help make amends and continue the work of breaking the cycle and expanding the circle of mercy, kindness, and grace-giving love.

It is what restores lost trust, establishes deeper and real connections, and unites us against a common foe: evil.

It Can Be Done

We humanize our enemies, realize they’re not monsters but broken people like us, and soften our hearts all through this process.

It’s called, “repentance”.

And it’s the key to new life on the other side of evils.

Shake Off the Gloom

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2016 by jcwill5

One of the sad side-effects of an election year is an amplification of our favorite national pastime:  complaining.images

So I’m going to write a love letter to my own heart, and to the hearts of my fellow Bible-believing, conservative Christians.

I’m going to give my own soul a sanctified pep talk, and welcoming my fellow “political exiles” to join me.

To My Friends in My Camp

We on the conservative side are ever tempted to look at the past with nostalgia and longing, to compare the present lamentable state of things to it, and then sulk over what’s been lost.

There is truth in the feeling.

Our society is among the most prospered, most peaceable, and most free societies that has ever graced planet earth.

Our nation has been given so many national resources, have received so much culturally from our forebears, and have had a work ethic that allowed us to leverage these blessings into advancements on many fronts.

Our liberties are still the envy of the world.

It’s inevitable that we Americans would waste so much of this, and find hyper-affluence and techno-leisure to be corrupting to our morals, to be enervating of our drive to do good, and to be numbing against our engagement with life’s challenges and life’s tragedies.

But that doesn’t change the fact that we still enjoy vast opportunities, so have many options and choices and paths that are still open to us, and, through personal choices, can still do much to preserve, regain, and outdo the best of the past.

In other words, we’re not at all helpless and there’s still time to do a great deal of recovery, restoration, and renewal.

Counter-productive Excess

Proper and proportional grieving the destruction of good things is one thing.

Indulging in the luxury of nostalgia worship and a kind of wallowing withdrawal from life is quite another.

The proper pointing out of our national excesses, follies, and idolatries, and calling for their repentance, is one thing.

The indulge in an embittered, immature kind of raging is quite another.

The antidote to all this counter-productivity is a kind of hope that is both grounded in reality and yet looks out and away from itself to God and our coming future with Him.

Our problem isn’t that we are too heavenly-minded to be any earthly good.

Our problem is we are so consumed, so wrapped up in trying to force this current fallen life to turn out as we wish that we erupt in anger whenever it doesn’t.

We, like the pagans, require this life to work out in our favor or we despair.

Our problem is we are so earthly-minded that we are no heavenly good.

Unbelief is the Issue

The problem with so much so-called conservative Christianity is unbelief.

And the proof of this charge is our loss of hope, our loss of expectancy and spontaneity and joy!

We have largely stopped praying and have thrown up our hands.

God isn’t cooperating with our earth-fixing, happy now agenda.

We have fallen into the trap of needing the cooperation of vast swaths of our fellow citizens to fulfill our earthly goals for society and for politics, and thus giving them power over us.

We have forgotten that we are receiving a far better kingdom that requires the endorsement, cooperation, and approval of nobody on earth.

We have forgotten that, at any time and under any circumstance, we can become more Christlike, more centered on and filled with God, and more in tune with His kingdom agenda.

But we’ve become downcast and gloomy and dour and sour.

OK, so we have two lousy presidential candidates and our politics is as messed up as our society and most of the populace.

Has God failed us?  Or is He, in mercy, outing us as secret idolators who believe in human perfectibility, heaven-on-earth, and human-centric solutions?

So we might return to Him and regain our lost joy.

Shake Off the Gloom

I say let’s shake off our gloom and repent of our politically frustrated unbelief!

I say let’s be filled up again with the life of God and make the all-fulfilling Christ Himself the emotional hub of our life.

I say let’s wear a smile on our face from a secret joy only He can give us, and put aside the fretting for the peace that passes understanding we have in Him alone.

Then let’s start caring and serving the actual people all around us God has placed in our lives.

Let’s repent and be restored to Him.

Let’s return and be recovered by Him.

Let’s re-engage, re-emerge, and return to our kingdom of God identity, labors, and goals.

Let’s show them, and then tell them, our secret to a life unfettered by this life’s disappointments and meaninglessness.

Let’s actually be Christians.

Forgiving Group Wrongs

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2016 by jcwill5

19STONE-blog427What do we do with groups who have wronged us?

Need for Caution

Under secular ideologies, the concept of collective guilt and collective punishment has led to all kinds of petty and terrible abuses.

Under communism or naziism, merely being a member of a wrong class or wrong race was a sure ticket to horrific mistreatment.

And under various ideologies on college campuses today, being born into a wrong class or racial group is tantamount to an automatic admission of guilt.

In the tribal world or the world of the Middle Eastern blood feud, being a member of the wrong tribe or traditional enemy is also a sure ticket to being attacked with impunity.

To sum up, punishing individuals for the wrongs of their ancestors and/or for being born to whom they were born is itself wrong.

It’s why God forbids children being punished for the sins of their parents, or parents for the sins of their children.

Appointing our own group or our self as the punisher of these corporate wrongs, the avenger of them, or the equalizer of them is NOT the answer.

Back to the Question

Which brings us back to the question, what do we do with group wrongs?

First, the Bible teaches there is such a thing as group wrongdoing, and therefore group-wide guilt and a whole-group need for repentance and to be forgiven.

Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” as He was being crucified by a whole group of people.

He taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive those who sin against us,” in the Disciples’ Prayer.

Our own group has committed wrongs against other groups and needs God’s forgiveness.

Their group has committed wrongs against our group, and we need to approach God after having forgiven them.

Isn’t that interesting?

Group Repentance and Forgiveness

Second, the Bible teaches there can be such a thing as group repentance, and such a thing as a group seeking and finding forgiveness from God.

Peter and John, when speaking their powerful Day of Pentecost message in Acts 2, laid the culpability for the murder of the Messiah squarely at the door of his audience as a whole group represented by their leaders.

They were guilty–collectively and personally–of the greatest spiritual crime ever committed by any group.

And, collectively and personally, they were cut to the heart by this charge and cried out, “What shall we do?!”

They were told to individually and collectively repent of this heinous evil, and then to turn to Jesus Christ in faith to receive individual and corporate forgiveness.

They responded to the offer not only individually, but en masse.

My Recent Wrestlings

As I have shared about my recent journey, I now realize that, at some deep levels, I had never really forgiven a group whose policies and agendas wounded me deeply and repeatedly throughout my life.

There is a part of me which carries a ton of buried anger, accumulated fury, and unresolved rage towards the group I call, “the Liberal elites”.

So far as I know, I don’t feel this animosity towards individual liberals for any personal acts.

Instead I see their group as a hostile tribe that repeatedly attacks my own group without mercy and without let-up.

At a tribal level, I am tempted to go on the warpath against their group for their outrages and let them have it with both barrels.

Which dismays me because it violates my most cherished beliefs and my love for Christ.

Individualism Fails

Part of my stuck-ness involves an exclusively individualist view of sin, guilt, etc. and how this narrow view limits the work of Christ only to guilty individuals.

Which means I’m left on my own to resolve all group evils, especially group evils that have been the most wounding and the most unjust.

But I can’t handle such a weight upon my soul or resolve such collective evils on my own.

What I can do, in light of the Bible’s teachings on corporate sin and corporate forgiveness, is to freely grant them a “whole group” collective forgiveness for Christ’s sake.

Dealing with Ongoing Group Assaults

But fresh outrages and assaults from this group’s collective policies will continue to happen.

So I not only need a resolution for past group evils, but a holy way of addressing a constant stream of new group evils.

The solution is the same.

It means I practice ongoing corporate forgiveness in response and continuously turn their group entirely over to Christ.

Like auto-forwarding e-mail accounts, I can and will auto-transfer their corporate debts against me to Christ.

I now leave it for Him to perfectly resolve their groups’ evils on the Cross or at the Final Judgment.

It doesn’t mean that can’t or shouldn’t be disagreement, debate, or, if needs must, principled refusal to comply and then suffering consequences at their hands for Christ’s sake.

Therefore, their outrages are His problem to resolve, and my wounds at their collective hands now belong exclusively to Him.

He Himself is the resolution to all their evils–past, ongoing, and future.

And I would invite my fellow Conservative Evangelicals to join me in forgiving our enemies:

  • who we most see as hostile tribes gunning for us,
  • who we most blame for our present societal troubles,
  • who advocate policies and social agendas that violate all we hold most dear,
  • who most enjoy our diminishment and delight in our defeats,
  • who refuse to leave us in peace, and
  • who insist on our conformity to their beliefs without mercy.

Frightful Repentance

Posted in Humble musings on today's culture with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 28, 2016 by jcwill5

image-of-repentanceGod slowed my life down this past week with a chest cold that both disrupted sleep and ground down my defenses and disguises.

I recognized He went to a lot of trouble to do it.

It was time to do some needed soul-searching, take a fearless moral inventory, and repent more deeply.

Today I am taking a risk to bring my most disguised and buried sins out into the open.

Choosing to not hide is not a quest for validation or your applause, but, to use a metaphor, a good-faith attempt to put a cross-shaped stake into the heart of my inner Dracula.

Here’s my own exercise:

Five Steps of Repentance

Step one of repentance of bitterness and contempt involves telling it like it is about my self without censorship, varnish, whitewashing, or disguising.

Here I keep it raw and real, and the goal is to get the cork off the bottle and let the ugly foam out.

Let the reader be warned–it will not be easy reading.

Step 1: Voicing My Unspoken Accusations

These are the people I bitterly blame and hold in contempt. They are the group that:

  • Took my mother away to fulfill feminism’s dream of mothers working outside the home
  • Coddled criminals who have raped my body, broken into my home, office, and car, who have stolen my car and items out of my house
  • Destroyed all morals, values, and absolutes, unleashing a lawlessness chaos that has been incredibly destructive in so many levels–hurting my own family over several generations.
  • Used and abused the public school system to indoctrinate me, squeeze into a one-size-fits-all mould that destroyed my love of learning, wounded my spirit with social conformity, and humiliated me with their petty rules and insensitive requirements.
  • Express unremitting hostility against my most cherished faith—abusing their positions to silence, harass, intimidate, and punish me for refusing to bend to their immoral agenda
  • Practice double-standards and hypocrisy—favoring their people and groups, and punishing me and my group, in the name of false equality and progressivism crap
  • Preach against intolerance and accuse me of intolerance while freely slandering, acting in a biased manner most intolerantly in an insufferably sanctimonious way
  • Peddle foolish pacifism and naïve soft-on-crime mentalities—putting our nation and our society at danger from anarchism, unrestrained sexual and violent passions, aggressive foreign nations, and unchecked crime.
  • Spend my hard-earned income and then borrow trillions to fund utopian social agendas, wasteful bureaucracies, nightmarish regulatory agencies, and pet agendas.

Having worked through my indictment list–my charges against whoever or whatever I’ve blamed–a series of “I am” and “I want to” statements come next.

Now I “out” my secret fantasies born of anger.

They are, of course, over the top and are things I’d never normally voice to others or admit them to myself.

And, I want to stress, I will never act on them.

Step 2: Outing My Toxic Desires

  • I am outraged by all the above—furious at them!
  • I despise liberals and their philosophy with a murderous fury!
  • I hold them in contempt and view them with disgust and loathing!
  • I am tired of disguising, hiding, and suppressing these strong emotions—because to express them is to be judged, humiliated, denied, disregarded, and rejected!
  • I want to punish them without mercy—to make them pay for their crimes!
  • I want to tell them off and leave them speechless and defeated in shame!
  • I want to so damage their cause it never rises again, to destroy them until they are eliminated!

Step 3:  Compare These Desires to Christ’s Will

My next step involved comparing my anger fantasies to Christ Himself, His heart, and His commands to me as His follower.

I had to own that I am no better than the people I’ve bitterly condemned and secretly held in contempt.

  • I fully realize this group of feelings and desires and agendas is completely unchristian, wrong, and ungodly—the opposite of Christ’s heart and will and message.
  • Which is proof I’ve given my enemies emotional power over me—power that I have given them and a satisfaction I need from them that they will never give me.
  • So I both loathe them and need them, chained to them and yet tired of the chains—tying me to them in ways that are both terrible and toxic.
  • I have secretly become the very thing I’ve despised the most in reactionary, toxic Christians—a sour, scorning, contemptuous, judgmental religious person who is obsessed with control and with winning!

Step 4: Hitting Bottom and Needing a Miracle

This is hitting bottom–I don’t just have a problem, I am the problem.

  • I am the problem.
  • I can never fix me.
  • Only an even deeper surgery of the Spirit can save me.
  • My sins have produced a bitter harvest of reactivity, depression, buried anger, and hiding, which cut-off relationships and blocked opportunities to do good for Christ.
  • I’ve become my own worst enemy.
  • It is not a matter of bad behavior—it is what I’ve allowed myself to become and how these things have warped and corrupted me and thus hurt others I love.
  • These are roots of bitterness and contempt and unbelieving control—and ultimately come back to a denial of God Himself who allowed these people, events, and wounds in my life.
  • Unless He intervenes, I will be a slave to anger and contempt, and marked by them.
  • I don’t want to end my days a slave to these things.
  • Therefore I fully admit all the above and confess it as sin.
  • I turn from these very specific sins and sorrow over them.

Step 5: Turning to Christ and Coming to Christ

Will I choose life or choose death?  Will I stay on the gurney until heart-transplant surgery is over?

  • I choose to let Him free me.
  • I choose to submit to soul surgery from on high.
  • I accept the reality that I need a grace I cannot arrange, cannot control, and cannot live without.
  • I turn my life and my will over to Christ again.
  • I return to Christ and look away from my self to Christ—surrendering control to Him and entrusting myself to Him.
  • I trust Him for a deliverance—to apply His sin-bearing, sin-removing work of crucifixion and apply His righteousness bestowing, life-imparting work of resurrection.
  • I will not rise from this place until the soul surgery is over and I am restored to Him!
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